Oh hey….I got married.

Remember how I was going to blog about the trials and tribulations of a wedding and then in April I suddenly stopped because I was choking on trials and drowning in tribulations?


Long story short, after much drama, our venue in Portland fell through. So we did what any sane couple would do four months before their wedding. We went to Vegas with 60 of our nearest and dearest and got married in a chapel that was affectionately called  “the Kill Bill chapel” by a friend.

IMG_3442Can’t disagree on that….

I was never able to picture myself walking down the isle at our original venue. I couldn’t imagine the day at all. Something wasn’t right. The second we decided on Vegas, things started finally feeling like us. I’m not going to lie, there was a shitload of crying, fighting, frustration and anger while planning everything out there. A Vegas wedding with that many people is no easy feat.

I got home and thought, “I should really blog about everything I learned”. So I sat down with a beer (which is the first in a long time due to my vodka only pre-wedding diet because vanity, duh) and took a xanax and tried to write about it. Maybe it’s the lack of my old friend Ambien, the best writing aide in the world. Or maybe I’m still riding high off of the amazing time we had. Or maybe it’s these god damn talon nails I have that making typing a total bitch. I don’t much feel like thinking or writing about weddings at all. It was a year of madness that ate up my entire life. I’m free to have other hobbies now. Free to crawl back into my normal, cozy hole where I am never the center of attention again.

I wouldn’t change a single thing. If I could do it over again it would only be because I want to have all that fun again.


What Started As A Joke Is Now A Front-Runner

“I know that we’re kinda drunk and we shouldn’t talk about this when we’re drunk….”

So starts most conversations mature adults have, right?

Last night during a marathon of watching Weeds and drinking cheap beer, I decided it was time to bring up the fact that we have no wedding plans shaping up. My intention was to impress upon my dear fiance that we should sit down soon and hammer out some details since venues for 2014 are fast booking up.

Instead, we ended up having one of the most calm, rational and productive wedding conversations that we’ve had yet. Who says you can’t have serious talks while buzzed on PBR? Take that, mom!

We managed to set a budget. That budget is five grand. Neither one of us is interested in spending more than that on one day. I’m sure everyone will tell us how it’s not possible but we’re willing to do whatever it takes in order to make the budget work.

We also talked a lot more  about the reality of a wedding in Iceland. And guess what? It’s looking like that might actually happen.

I’m 50/50 right now between a small wedding in Iceland and a big party in Portland. The fiance, I can tell, is leaning more towards Iceland. Our next move is to talk to our families and make sure that they would come because that’s tremendously important. From there, we work out the logistics and cost to see if it works within our budget.


Photo by Christopher Waddell

I can’t think of anything more awesome than getting married at the black church by the Hotel Budir. Or at least having photos taken in front of it since we’re not remotely religious.

We’ll see what happens over the next few weeks.

Now I’m Getting Ridiculous…

My dreams of an Icelandic pony (MINIATURE HORSE, Arin!!) wedding have been shot in the face. The fiance’s mother quickly nipped that in the bud (fuck, I hate that phrase) by telling me it was too far for her 83 year old mother to travel. Suspicious, since her mother is flying to Costa Rica soon. Granted, I’d haul my terrified-of-flying ass on a plane to a sunny beach over a glacier covered in horses anyday…but still. 

The future father in law still thinks it’s a swell idea and is encouraging us to do what we want. So maybe the pony has only been shot in the leg and not in the face. We could amputate below the knee and still make that pony run. And god dammit, I know they’re horses and not ponies but PONY is a fun word to write. 

I’m not even on drugs currently and this is how my brain works. I am a mo’ fucking winner. 


How’s my hair?

In lieu of a super metal wedding at a black chapel in Iceland, I’ve come up with a more ridiculous place to exchange vows. 


Welcome to Suoi Tien Cultural Theme Park in Vietnam. It’s the first Buddhist themed waterslide park ever. Shockingly…

Not just a waterpark though, since it’s a cultural theme park there’s also temples, rides and oddly, a place where you can feel crocodiles hunks of meat from fishing poles…


I found this guy’s tale of taking his family there very entertaining. So much napping! I love napping! I also love dodgy amusement park rides. This place is perfect!


Oooooh! Creepy elephant boats in very questionable water! I’m in love with everything about this place. 

I read somewhere that there’s also an aerial bike tour over the crocodile lagoon which sounds totally safe and not at all terrifying. It ties in the fiance’s love of bicycles! Perfect! 

Perhaps if I keep coming up with ideas like this, both families will gladly fly to Iceland instead. 


Wedding Game Plan #234

When you decide to get hitched, no one will ask you anything that doesn’t pertain to your imminent hitching until you get your damn self hitched. You can learn to breathe fire while tight rope walking and people will still be like, “Uh huh, girl, that’s cool, so are you having bridesmaids?”

In my twenties I was an attention whore to the nth degree. I did a lot of things that I wouldn’t in a million years do now. We don’t even need to discuss that shit. Suffice to say, I was rather self obsessed (as we tend to be at 22) and took myself very seriously. Nowadays, it’s hard for me to take anything very seriously. Especially myself. Therefore, talking endlessly about myself and this ONE DAY that I’m planning A FUCKING YEAR FROM NOW is uncomfortable. I’ve never felt more narcissistic than I have this last month while discussing our upcoming nuptials.

Every time we see friends, co-workers or I see clients at work everyone asks. And we have nothing to tell them. No planning has been done. We have no more idea now than we did two months ago and I’m pretty okay with that.

My newest fantasy is to say fuck it all and get married on a glacier in Iceland.

Did you know how effin’ cheap it is to fly to Iceland and use it as a stopover to get to Europe? IcelandAir is trying to bump up tourism by encouraging people to fly there before hopping over to Europe. You can book a ticket to multiple cities from their website. A trip from Seattle to Iceland to Amsterdamn and back home costs only $980! So cheap!!! Add to that I’ve been wanting to go to Iceland as long as I can remember and it seems a perfect way to combine wedding and honeymoon plans.




But come on!!! How can you not love that?? Oh and I did I mention the abundance of ponies?

Iceland - Lon Valley: Eastfjord Ponies

Emo ponies!

I like polls. They entertain me.