Today I talked to a lovely woman who is getting married tomorrow who regaled me with tales of her money saving wedding plans: Getting married on her family’s land, doing their own flowers, hiring a friend to do their photographs, having their guests camp on the property. All that, allllll that and how much did they spend?


Ten motherfucking thousand dollars. For a day. Where people camp and eat food cart food and drink beer.

Here’s a list of things I could buy for $10,000:

1. Some really, really nice breast implants.

2. Half of an Alpaca. Because a whole alpaca costs $20,000. According to my friend, Colleen, I should buy the front half because  “the back half, all you get is shit.”.

alpaca head

Do yourself a favor and google image search alpacas. It will be the best five minutes of your day.

3. I could rent the entire Hotel Budir in Iceland and have my wedding there plus a honeymoon in Europe.

4. Carrot Top. That’s speculation but I’m pretty sure I could.

5. A yard full of fainting goats. Also speculation but again, I’m reasonably sure this could happen with ten grand.

6.rocking chair bed.



7.micro cabin. Because we can’t afford to buy a real house



8. This Land Rover pick-up. Because I would look amazing in it.



9. Diamond studded jeans for my fiance.



10. Did I mention really nice breast implants? Those would last at least ten years. Though if a marriage lasts forever then I suppose the wedding is a better thing to spend the money on. But the fiance would see the boobs every day. He’s not going to look at wedding photos every day. Boobs win.




Barns and Bowling Alleys

Let us discuss rustic barn weddings for a moment.

If I see one more twinkle lit, mason jar filled, cowboy booted wedding in a slightly run down but still oh so beautiful barn I’m going to bash my head on my keyboard and run screaming to the courthouse with my fiance in tow.

They are gorgeous and sweet and make for lovely photos. And everyone is having the same motherfucking wedding.  Right down to the style of photography and the charming twine decorations.



Gorgeous! Magical! Cookie cutter!

The mister and I used to lay in bed a few years back and talk about what we wanted our wedding to be like. Guess what we wanted? Oh, just guess!

A country barn wedding! With mason jar glasses and hay bales for seats!

I’m assuming we both saw weddings like that on the internet somewhere. We’re tattooed city kids who love the outdoors but rarely actually venture to the country.

When did this barn wedding trend begin? The internet tells me that this trend became “So hot” in 2013 after heating up in 2012.

2014 is shaping up to be the year of ombre. No, really, I’m serious. That is particularly hilarious to me since I was planning on custom dyeing my dress to be darker on the bottom. Fucking. Christ. On. An. Ombre. Cracker.

Can I please have the job of getting smashed on moonshine and deciding what the next wedding trend should be?

I see 2015 as the year of the bowling alley wedding. 60’s style though, tres chic and with decade appropriate finger foods like cocktail weiners.