Cake Cutters and Mom Dresses

Fresh off a plane that delivered us from the sun drenched burrito capital of the world, San Diego, I sent my dear fiance off to bed and promptly took a more powerful ambien then I have taken in a while. What better time than now to delve into some deep internet mining. Deep into the looming, cavernous mountain of wedding blogs! What treasures can we drag forth from there? What beauty shall I claim as my own? What clever save the date card can I spy and immediately shout at my computer screen, “THAT IS SO MEEEEEEEE!!!!”

Yes, ambien makes me write this way but the wedding bullshit only adds to the crazy. Because really, I ACTUALLY AM supposed to be finding things that speak to me.

My future mother-in-law held up a cake cutter to me as we were picking up a cake for her husband’s retirement party, “See how pretty this is with the beads?” She turning it so that I could admire the bead work and ribbons on the handle. “We could do something like this for you guys but make it unique to you.”

Thought process (ambien style):

-I need a cake cutter?

-I need a special, decorated cake cutter?

-I need to decorate a cake cutter so that it captures the unique theme/personality of our wedding?

-A cake cutter handle is what I should be thinking about right now?

She also told me earlier in the day that traditionally the bride’s mother picks out her dress for the wedding first and then the groom’s mother can pick her dress based off of that. “So there’s no stepping on toes, colors clashing or wildly different styles. ”

Wha…huh? Really? I just kind of figured we’re the type of families who don’t give fucks about such things. I assumed there would be things we’d be skipping. Such as but not limited to:

-Assigned seating


-The chicken dance

-the garter toss or even the bouquet for that matter unless bitches be into it.

-Bridal showers/ engagement parties

-four course meals

That’s all I can think of for now….

Was there anything you really wished you WOULD HAVE done at your wedding or something that will be a non negotiable for you when you do marry?

I thought we were past a lot of the weird rules but they keep popping up. There are no rights and wrongs in weddings. But there’s a whole lot of bonkers shit to think about.


2 thoughts on “Cake Cutters and Mom Dresses

  1. Kinda fell into your blog and kinda LOVING it. THANK YOU.

    So frankly. yes. yes to all of it. yes to mother-in-laws who care about STUPID shit that DOESN’T matter at the end of the day. yes. to crappy traditions that make pretty much everyone uncomfortable (the garter? really, the 200+ people I am REQUIRED to invite to our wedding have to watch my new husband get all up underneath my dress where I am PROBABLY going to be wearing the sexiest of sexy underwear aka. Spanx (copyright protected) and pull some lace off so his friends can clamor for it? no thanks).

    My fiance and I have a theory with flowers – THEY DIE. He has sent them to me once, and I said to him “this sucks, they’re gonna die” so now he sends me edible arrangements and I get to eat fruit cookie cuttered into flowers. Its fantastic. So when we got engaged his mom – who mind you plans sweet 16s and Bar Mitvahs for a living – was SUPER excited about going to pick out flowers, so when I said “no floral centerpieces” in the middle of a Bridal Showcase I thought she was going to take the 6 foot lighted willowing flower arrangement in front of her and bash it across my face. Needless to say, I’m making centerpieces and she couldn’t be any less pleased! YAY!

    You’re going to piss people off. It’s inevitable. At the end of the day, it is up to you to make this YOUR day, hold your ground, drink some wine and bring on the nontraditional as you see fit!

    • Aw!I’m so glad you’re entertained by the blog. And so glad that someone else out there thinks that flowers are bullshit!! I’m going to have to pop over to your blog and keep track of your progress!

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