Finding Deep Meaning In Wedding Quizzes

What did I promise? Drunken or ambien laced blog posts, that’s what I promised. And receive you shall. Even though it just took me four times to spell receive right. Damn “I after E except after C” rule.

Tonight we dined (and by we I mean me and the dogs since the mister is out of town) on a taco truck burrito, a glass of red wine and just a smidgen of ambien. But a smidge, my loves, just a smidge.

What better thing to do on a night in alone than watch soul crushing, mind numbing wedding tv shows while taking the most vapid quizzes a girl could possibly find? Well, by George, I’d love to. And I don’t even know George.

My googling led me to this plethora of quizzes over at The Knot. Get it…the knot…haaa….aaa..a….aaaaah. Yup. I sort of already hate the Knot because bitches be getting paid to write such trifle. Also, it’s everything I don’t want to be in a bride. I don’t want to be desperately shouting at people on message boards about where I can possibly get the best ribbons to tie the ombre kittens to the balloons with.

Kitten reaching up at a balloon

I just can’t be that girl. Instead I’ll be the weirdo in the corner, getting drunk, having deep self worth issues and wishing I could make myself feel what I should be feeling about this whole day.

Depressive people are generally unable to imagine a happier life for themselves. It’s something about how we don’t think we deserve it. So take a life long depressive and tell her she gets one day where she can do whatever the fuck she wants, be the center of attention, wear a dress made of rhinestones and tutus, boss everyone around and make her every magical wish come true…well, you’ve got one deer in the headlights motherfucker staring back at you.

deer-bride_ftPGt_1333

Just wheel this girl down the isle. No one will be the wiser.

(By the way Gord Wilding is the genius behind that epic piece. )

Due to my darling Ambien I couldn’t help but take a quiz on The Knot to see what my “bridal style” should be. After only 12 questions, my deepest desires were revealed!

“You’re a Casually Elegant Gal

Down-to-earth and still sophisticated, your wedding will be fun but not fussy. From gorgeous details (lots of leaves and ferns?) to a splendid location (botanical garden or a state park?), your wedding will be fabulous…naturally. Our advice: Don’t forget a burst of color. With a nature-inspired palette, it’s easy to have too much brown and moss green, so think beyond foliage and go for pops of unconventional color in hues such as chocolate brown and tangerine.”

I was unaware that chocolate brown was an unconventional pop of color. But hell if you’re pairing it with tangerine!
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I’m not entirely sure what’s happening up there. I get that fall colors can be hard. Everyone thinks oranges, yellows, reds and…browns. It’s like you just described a drippy cheeseburger or a used maxi pad. It’s not a romantic color combo.
Dare I say that The Knot was NOT right about my bridal style? I do dare say that. But that doesn’t mean I won’t continue to take the screwball quizzes that some sweet and more than likely talented girl had to bang out, hopefully while half drunk and watching Pretty Wild on Netflix.
Quiz on, my comrade!!
 
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